At What Price
by waterrain
Summary: Merlin's Thoughts and Emotions. WARNING SPOILER FOR SEASON 2 EP EIGHT


I do not own Merlin. WARNING SPOILER FOR SEASON 2 EP EIGHT.

Merlin's View

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I was forced to decided Uther Pendragon's fate whether he lived or died. I only thought for a few seconds that Uther deserved to die, but then he thought of Arthur. Arthur would have no parent and the guilt of killing his own father would be with him forever. Arthur's soul would be broken and I could not take the thought of it. I will do the right thing for Arthur's sake.

I called out 'Arthur, don't! I know you don't want to do this!'

I knew Arthur did not want to kill his father in truth, but right now Arthur is in so much pain and not thinking clearly. I knew that Uther did in fact used Magic for Arthur to be born, but I knew now officially that Arthur must not know now for he is not ready yet. Just like he is not ready to know the truth about me being a Warlock and after this I know Arthur's view will change, but not for the better.

I know that I must tell Arthur that it is a lie because otherwise I fear he will kill his father and his soul would be in pieces as an aftermath.

Yes Uther will die, but not by Arthur's hands never for his soul must not have the guilt. I have to reason with Arthur, but if worse goes to worst I will make him distrust and hate magic if only to save his soul and keep him from killing his father. For Arthur I will do anything even if in the end it will bring me pain and sadness at the fact he hates magic. For in hating magic he will hate me too even though he does not know about me and I will take the pain if only it keeps Arthur from doing what he will regret later.

I said to Arthur 'Killing your father won't bring her back.'

It is true that Uther's death will not bring Arthur's mother's back to life and his death would bring Arthur nothing expect pain and guilt of being his father's murder. I tried to use reason first with Arthur, but he was too far gone with emotion over finding out the truth.

I went on to say 'You have lost one parent do you want to lose another? '

I used a question to make Arthur try and think about what he is doing right now.

I asked him 'Arthur, Please put the sword down.'

I tried asking him to put his sword down, but then he talked what he heard from his mother. I knew what he saw was his Mother, but I must lie to him. I hate lying to Arthur, but I knew it must be done even if later on he finds out the truth and he would more than likely hate me.

I don't like killing, but I will do it if in doing so will protect him from danger. I don't like lying, but I will do it for Arthur. I would willingly die for Arthur, I would lie to Arthur, I would lie to the King, I would kill for Arthur and I would do anything for Arthur if only it would keep him safe.

I told Arthur lies and telling him it was a trick along with a plan for the King to be killed along with the destruction of Camelot. In the end Uther Pendragon lied to his son and I noticed that the King did not directly say that it was not his fault. Along with not denying that Arthur was born of magic, but I knew that Arthur was too far gone with emotion that he was feeling.

Later on I checked up Arthur to see how he was doing and he was standing. He said to me 'I'm indebted to you Merlin, I have become confused, but it has once again become clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous , and it is thanks to you.' Not once did he even look at me.

I told him 'I'm glad to help.'

I was faking a smile even though I knew Arthur was not looking and it was painful. In truth I'm glad to help Arthur, but it is painful knowing that Arthur hates magic. I even knew before hand that Arthur had some hope that not all who practiced magic were evil, but now I had took part in crushing that hope.

I know that Arthur really does care about Camelot and about his people even though he is not King yet. I keep what I truly am feeling from everyone even Gaius.

Arthur thanked me, Uther grateful to me, Gaius praised me, but at what price. The price of it was Arthur believing that the truth was a lie and believing those who practice magic are evil along with being dangerous. I'm naturally born with being able to use magic and I can't stop being what I am for I might as die. No matter what I will protect Arthur and if he one day finds out I'm a Warlock when I'm saving his life. I will deal with it.

The question is will Arthur become another Uther? I believe that he will not be like Uther for Arthur is about justice and fairness despite what he may think. Arthur never knew his Mother just like I never knew my Father. I hope one day Arthur will be able to once again believe that not all who practice magic are evil. I know one day Arthur will make a great King even though he is a Prat at this time.

I hate Uther even more for not telling Arthur before all this happened, but I believe that he knew what Arthur would say to him for killing people who practiced magic for that reason. After all Arthur is about justice and fairness. All I hope for is that will not change because of this event. I knew Arthur had the right to the truth, but he is not ready for it. For Arthur has proven without a doubt that he is not ready for it. If Uther had been killed by Arthur, Camelot would be allowed magic, but since Uther lived Camelot is still not allowed to use magic. I do not have my freedom yet, but I can wait. I would give away my freedom for Arthur and it is my destiny to protect him.

My destiny to protect him from his enemies, friends, family, and himself. At times my destiny can be painful, my efforts for the most part not heard of along with Arthur not believing me. All that I do is for him and he thinks I'm an idiot most of the time. Now he decided this time to believe me and his hope that not all practices of magic are evil must be almost all gone. All thanks to me and to the lie.

I will enjoy the moment of being thanked even though in fact it is bittersweet, but I do not let it be shown to Gaius. After all I do not want Gaius to worry about me, I managed a smile, and put my feet on the table along with a short fake laugh. At least Arthur saw and heard his Mother. I have no idea what my father looks like or who he is for my mother does not speak of him. It seemed to me that Arthur's Mother didn't bear a grudge against Uther and she loved Arthur even though his birth caused her death.

I remeber when Arthur put his head on the chopping block after being asked by that woman, I was fully prepared to use magic to save him even though he would discover that I'm a warlock, but in the end the woman just sat the axe down.

At least this time Arthur did not have me do any extra chores and I have this feeling that this is not over yet with the woman that was responsible for all of the events. I hope that I'm wrong for she has caused enough damage.

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